26 important questions to ask before getting engaged
July 1, 2018
Do you wonder what types of questions you should be asking your significant other before getting engaged? Do you worry that one day your marriage will have problems because you disagree on something that’s vitally important? Have you wondered if you really know them as well as you think you do? You’re not alone! This is a legitimate concern.
I’m the perfect example of someone who wishes they asked more of these questions. In my marriage there have been times when disagreements have rocked our world. I knew that there were things that we disagreed on after dating for a while, but I naively expected him to eventually come around to my way of thinking. I honestly didn’t expect that the issues we ended up disagreein6 on would ever become a big deal. I thought that we would always be able to come to a mutual agreement through every problem and argument we had (meaning, of course, that he would eventually agree with me.)
I have thought MANY times over the years that we could have avoided so many arguments and hurt feelings if we had talked things through and had a clear understanding of what we expected from each other.
As a result of these insights and out of the desire to help other couples avoid the issues that we had, I came up with several questions that I think are important to discuss with your significant other before you commit to a lifetime with them. I divided these up into 4 categories and 26 different questions.
Your personal relationship
First off: the BIG one. MONEY. If you don’t have at least one huge fight about money in the first year of your marriage, then I applaud you. And mayybe I don’t really believe you.
How much debt do you have?
Do you expect me to help you pay your debt?
Do you want a joint bank account?
Do you want us to pay our own bills separately or have them come out of a joint bank account?
Who will take care of the finances? (Keeping track and paying bills when they are due)
What items/hobbies do you like to spend your money on?
How much do you spend per month on these items/hobbies?
Do you expect my paycheck to fund your interest/hobbies?
Do you follow a budget?
Do you want children?
How many children do you want?
Would you want to pursue fertility treatments or adoption if we couldn’t have children?
Do you want our kids to go to public school, private school or be home-schooled?
How will you respond if your parents or friends disrespect/undermine me?
How much time together would you like us to have?
How much alone time do you need?
What type of things stress you out?
What are your core spiritual beliefs?
How often do you think we should go to church?
Do you think God should be at the center of all of our decisions?
Do you tithe?
What in your mind constitutes cheating?
Do you watch porn?
Once you’ve answered these questions, make a note on the things you disagree on and talk them over. Ask each other these two questions.
How do you feel about the fact that we disagree on these issues? (Name them)
How do you expect us to resolve these issues we don’t agree on?
I hope this was helpful to you and that both of you take the challenge of getting to know each other seriously. If you have experience in this area and want to chime in please comment below! Let me know what I forgot!